My Husband Has a Problem with Porn

1. It is NOT your fault – it is about his weakness and sin, it is not about you.

2. Sadly, you are not alone. This is not universal. All men do NOT do it. But a lot do. Even Christian men. There are many Christian women who are facing the same thing you are.

3. You can not fix him, control him, or manage his behavior. It is his responsibility to get help. You can choose to give him an ultimatum. If you do, you need to mean it and stick to it. Done properly, that is not manipulation or controlling, it is drawing healthy boundaries and putting the responsibility in his hands.

4. You have a right to your anger. Forgiveness and rebuilding trust can be dealt with later. If you have discovered his misbehavior or relapse into misbehavior recently, right now you have to give voice to the outrage and betrayal you feel. If you are numb and feeling nothing, that too is o.k. It will pass and it is likely you will face a good deal of anger at some point.

5. Even though it is his responsibility, you need to reach out for help and support. Some areas have support groups for wives of male sex addicts. A few carefully chosen female friends or family members can be helpful. Counseling to deal with your hurt and future direction may be needed whether he is ready for help or not.

6. If his misbehavior has included physical contact you would be wise to be tested for STD’s. It is embarrassing, but we are talking about your long term health.