Conflict Zone or Safe haven part three

More on the 6 Key Building Blocks of a Safe Haven Marriage:

Chosen and Committed – we need to know that out of all the people in the world our spouse chose us….. and hopefully would do so again! It is crucial that we have confidence our spouse is committed to us and our marriage. How are you doing in giving your spouse those messages that they are chosen by you and you are committed to them?

Trust – definitely trust that our partner will be sexually faithful, but much more. Trust they will be emotionally faithful. Trust they have our back and are committed to our best interest.

Available and Attuned – Does your spouse know they are the #1 priority in your life after God? Do they know you will be there for them? When you are physically present are you there emotionally? Do you “get” them? Intimacy is more than physical nudity. It is knowing and being known at a deep level. Are you growing there with your partner?

Responsive – We need a partner who cares enough to show compassion and even enough to try to change when we need that! “I hear you, I care, I will do whatever I can for you” is the message we need to give and need to hear back!

Repair – No matter how hard we try, we are human, finite, fallen and we will fail. What do you do when you fail in your marriage? Take for granted your partner understands? Not even think about it? Try to hide it or defensively excuse it? Or woman up, or man up and take responsibility and try to make it right? Effective repair is a crucial skill for a marriage that makes it in the long run.

Becoming (self reflect, influenceable, willing to grow/change/mature) – If you have married 5 years or more you are Not married to the same person you said “I do” to! Whether we mature or revert, we change over time. Are you changing together or separately? Are you changing in similar directions? Are you receptive to influence from your spouse? Gottman’s research showed that it is extremely important that a husband be open to influence from his wife. This was true in a large percentage of healthy marriages and missing in most distressed marriages. The healthiest marriages are those in which husband and wife are growing in similar directions emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. This requires intentionally sharing some growth experiences and constant work at good communication.