The Hidden Victims - thoughts on the Denver Batman Shootings

Senseless tragedy strikes our world once again.  Early reports says 14 were murdered and 50 wounded by a gunman at a midnight showing of the new Batman movie in Denver.  Descriptions of what happened sound similar to scenes from earlier films in the franchise!

Quite appropriately people of faith are praying for the wounded, for the families who have lost loved ones, for traumatized survivors.  But in these situations we often fail to realize the parents and family of the alleged perpetrator are hidden victims.  Early this morning ABC news contacted a woman in San Diego identified as the mother of the man arrested.  How would you like to get that phone call or knock on your door?

Can you put yourself in her shoes?  Your child is accused of a horrible crime.  You are going to see him dragged through the mud of the 24 hour news cycle.  At some point some shrink may pompously bloviate on cable TV about how your parenting may have contributed to this tragedy.  You face the horror of contemplating your child doing prison time or even facing execution.  Have you ever seen a loved one in a jail jumpsuit or had to talk to them through a jail or prison glass?  It tears at your heart!

This man’s parents may have been awful parents.  But even most bad parents would be hurting right now (not all, sadly).  They may have been good or even excellent parents.  Things go wrong.  As children move through the teen age years and into early adulthood, they sometimes make tragically bad choices on their own.

When a teen or young adult child is accused and/or convicted of a crime the family is often ignored or even stigmatized.  No one brings meals to the mother whose son has been sentenced to prison time.  But she has suffered loss!  She has great pain!  She needs support and encouragement.  This is where the body of Christ can step up and act like the body of Christ!

Pray for the hidden victims in this situation as well as the obvious victims.  Every time you hear a story like this, pray for the family of the accused.  If someone near you is a hidden victim, gently reach out to them.  Let them know you care; you are praying, offer a safe listening ear.  That means keeping confidentialities and not gossiping! 

Even the perpetrator needs our prayers.  Jesus prayed for those who unjustly executed Him.  We need to pray for those who are evil, or misguided, or deranged.  If evil or misguided they need to repent and turn from their sin and foolishness.  If deranged they need healing and perhaps deliverance.

Getting to the Other Side of Loss and Grief part two

THEOLOGICAL TRUTHS TO CHEW ON WHEN YOU ARE READY. 

If you are in the midst of an excruciating period of life, you may not be able to receive some of this.  “True” is not always “helpful”.   (See my reaction to “She’s in a better place” in part one of this.)  When you are between the floods of trouble is the time it is the most helpful to consider these truths and store them up for the hard times.

Lamentations 3:31-33  ³¹ For no one is cast off by the Lord forever.

 ³² Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.

 ³³ For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. (Lam 3:31-33 NIV)

            HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU & NEVER FORSAKE YOU – HE WILL BE WITH YOU TO THE END OF THE AGE!!

“Though HE brings grief…”  = God is Sovereign in all the circumstances of life, yet He is loving and wise!  “When God allows you to go in the furnace of affliction He keeps His hand on the thermostat and His eye on the timer.”

Romans 8:28 ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)

            All things are NOT good.  Some are wrong, hurtful, tragic, even evil.  But God promises His children He will eventually work some good even out of this things!  If God causes it or allows it in the life of a believer, He will redeem it in some way at some time.

2 Cor. 1:4 ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

One reason God allows us to suffer is it makes us better able to help others when they suffer!  Often when someone is suffering they can receive help best from one who has walked a similar valley.  After my first wife’s death, when I encountered believers who had lost a spouse at an early age I really listened to what they had to say!  One minister and wife who had each been widowed were especially helpful to me.  Wounded healers are usually the best healers!  Let God minister out your brokenness to other broken people.

1 Peter 5:10 ¹⁰ And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. (ESV)

Romans 8:18 ¹⁸ For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

This really is not our home!  The best is yet to come.  If your faith is in Christ, a new Heaven and a new Earth are being prepared for you.  There we will have no sorrow, no sickness, no death.  God will be in our midst and He will be our God and we shall be His people!

 

Amen and amen!

 

Dealing with Anxiety - part 3

In a cognitive approach to anxiety step one is becoming aware of our automatic thoughts. When you feel anxiety starting ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” It is normal to try to blame some circumstance. Stop yourself and ask, “What did I think about that situation that made me anxious? “ If you can’t remember, then ask, “”What do kind of thought about this situation would have made me anxious? What do I think I thought?” Remembering the exact thought is not essential, getting the flavor of it is what counts.

It can be helpful to write out the anxiety producing thought. Then score yourself on how strongly you believe right then on a scale of 0(not at all) to 10 (completely believe it). Also score your anxiety on a similar scale or 0 (perfect calmness) to 10 (ready to run down the street screaming and pulling your hair out).

Step two is to ruthlessly analyze the anxiety producing thought. Remember the best lie is the lie that has a shred of truth in it. Your anxiety is probably produced by thinking that has truth and exaggeration mixed. Don’t be side tracked by the shred of truth! Grab the thought like a pit-bull and shake it until you find the lies, half-truths, and exaggerations in the anxiety producing thought.

Step three is to replace the lie with the truth. Here is where the maturing believer has an advantage. Pollyanna, feel good, positive thinking will not work in the long run. Our hearts have a lie detector and they will reject the phony. If we try to sell ourselves on a false piece of fluff it may help briefly, but it won’t last. But we can choose to reject the lie of exaggerated negativism and find the positive truth in most circumstances.

Keep in mind that you have been programmed to believe that false or half true belief. It will feel right and true. The real truth may feel “wrong” at first. You will have to stay at it and keep thinking the truth. Speaking it out loud at appropriate times can be helpful.

Applying appropriate Scripture to our lives can be a very powerful part of this. Find a Scripture that properly interpreted applies to your anxiety producing thought. i.e. Anxiety Producing Thought = “I must be in complete control of my world or it will fall apart.” Counter truth = “(Christ) upholds the universe by the word of his power” (Hebrews 1:3), or “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28 NIV).” So, if God is at work in everything, I don’t have to be control of everything.

Paul seems to be recommending something like this in Philippians 4:8,9 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (ESV)”

After you have done some “truth therapy” sit down again and score yourself. How much do you believe your anxiety producing thought now on that same 0 – 10 scale? How strong is your anxiety now on that scale? Most times, these numbers will be down.

The same kind of work can be done with those underlaying intermediate and core beliefs. But they are more resistant to change and will take more time, work and prayer.