Grace Vs. Enabling

Grace v. Enabling
By Rev. Frank J. Busbey MAR, MA, LPC

“Grace is not a blue eyed blonde.” So goes the feeble Sunday School joke! Many of us have memorized the good theological definition, “Grace is God’s undeserved favor.” Another excellent definition is Grace = God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Even though we are undeserving sinners who have grievously sinned against Him, God outrageously paid our debt through the torture, humiliation, and unjust execution of God the Son – Jesus Christ! Now all who respond from the heart in faith to the Good News about Jesus are totally forgiven and freely given a place in God’s family including an unending home in heaven!

Having received that forgiveness and grace we should be morally moved to offer the same to those who mistreat us. This can be extremely hard. One of the many difficulties in doing this is being sure we offer grace but not enablement of bad behavior.

Grace gives room to grow, mature and heal. Grace does not give permission to continue in sin. Enabling allows sin and misbehavior to go unchallenged.

God’s grace is not a license for us to remain in sin. God’s grace allows us to have relationship with Him while we struggle and grow in the process of allowing the Holy Spirit to transform us. Romans 6:1, 2 says, “1 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” (ESV) So God offers a costly, free forgiveness and insists that we seek His help to be progressively overcoming both our sin nature and the sins we commit.

The grace we offer others needs to offer room to grow, mature and heal. It does not continually throw the past in the face of one who has repented and apologized. The grace we extend also needs to maintain healthy boundaries and accountability. The parent who pays for their adult child’s groceries because that child has repeatedly spent every cent they get on crack is enabling addiction, not offering grace. The wife who looks the other way while her husband carries on affair after affair or continues in pornography year after year is enabling bad behavior, not offering grace.

How can I tell if I am enabling? Ask yourself questions like the following: Am I doing something for my loved one they could do themselves and need to learn to do themselves? Am I helping them grow up or helping them stay childish? Am I helping them get free or helping them stay in bondage?

Misguided family concern and love can hook us into enabling. It is important to realize that our loved one needs to be pleasing to God more than they need anything else. Giving grace does not mean living without boundaries or accountability!